The Thump of a Soft Melon

Posted on June 21, 2007 by Shredwin

When nature calls, if you have to go, you have to go. Don't forget to bow when entering the bathroom! The Japanese have an architectural detail guaranteed to train even the numbest gaijinJapanese word meaning "outsider" commonly used to describe foreigners. Considered somewhat impolite. . Failure to adhere may leave you feeling scalped like Custer at the Little Bighorn. Just joking, you don’t really have to bow when entering the bathroom, just make yourself shorter! A lean to the left or right will suffice…..

Older Japanese beam houses and their architecture are rather unforgiving for the taller framed gaijin. The beautiful, handcut, hand drawn 100 year-old cedar beams leave quite a knot on the noggin! Waking in the middle of night and running to the bathroom can end with seeing stars that don't exist in any constellation seen in the night sky.

The dull thump of my soft melon crunching the low doorways of our house in Mimasaka has ended many times in a flurry of words not to be repeated in this text or in polite conversation. This may be a type of training or insidious hazing designed by the Japanese ojiichan for the gaijin to help them remember to bow while in Japan. My skull is so full of lumps, if it were shaved it would resemble a gunny sack of potatoes. Don't forget to remove your hat in the house, either. If you wear a baseball cap, chances are you could sink the top button of your hat deep into one of the pre-existing lumps on your skull.

Picture Bill Murray standing in the elevator, head and shoulders above the Japanese businessmen in the movie, Lost in Translation. Personally, I am a little under six feet tall. Not super tall by American standards. Gauging by traditional Japanese beam architecture however, I must be some sort of Sasquatch. I may install curb feelers or excavator's tape to remind me to bow when entering a room. For night use, LED light strands to mark the low doorways might come in handy. Sleeping in a batter's helmet is a safe bet for those midnight runs to the bathroom...