Family Life

Posted on March 8, 2007 by Clint Spivey

Just this weekend I was at my girlfriend’s parent’s house in Nagano. The bullet train from Tokyo has a stop there, built for the winter Olympics a few years back, but it’s by no means a large town. The landscape is dominated by farms and rice paddies, and all around the horizon is ringed by tree covered mountains. The air is clean and it’s a nice change from the beehive like claustrophobia and movement that can characterize Tokyo. The family house is a two story Japanese style home that has been in the family for at least two generations. The front yard is full of plants, trees, and even some large pots buried in the ground with goldfish in them. One of the easily identifiable items in the yard is the several bonsai trees. They are larger than ones I’ve seen in America, about 1 ½ to 2 feet high, but they have the same look, small manicured trees in square pots. I’m told that the oldest one is about 45 years old, going down to the youngest which is about 16. Usually at this time of year, snow covers the ground, but this has been an extremely warm winter for Japan, the first in fact that Tokyo has not seen snow in over a hundred years. The absence of snow is noticeable, and even missed, but the yard is still pretty and comforting nonetheless.

Three of the four rooms on the first floor all open up to each other via sliding wood and paper doors. This is a traditional Japanese design to allow for airflow through the house during the humid Japanese summers. It's winter now though, and upon arrival we all go to the living room and relax under the kotatstu. This is one of the coolest things I have come to encounter since being in Japan and all my foreign friends agree. It’s a table, similar to an American type coffee table, low to the floor so you have to sit Indian-style or some other way. It has a heavy blanket that hangs out from the edges that you place over your lap, so your feet and legs are under the table and blanket. This is where the fun starts, beneath the table is heated, either by an electric heater, or a metal tube that connects to a standard kerosene heater. Japanese houses are naturally a lot colder than American counterparts during the winter due to the thin walls and general lack of central heating, but while resting your lower half under the kotatsu, one becomes very snug. It’s a perfect way to spend time with the family. Snacks are already being served by my future mother-in-law along with beer, and green tea which further serves to warm up everyone in the room. Food is always served in small portions, with a large amount of portions. Everyone has their own small plates in front of them, and can pick and choose different items from the table. I’ve found it a much more preferable way to eat than having one large meal set in front of me. An interesting aspect of it all is how animated my mother-in-law, or Oka-san is during the entire time. She is constantly moving back and forth from the table to the kitchen bringing in food or drinks, refilling my father-in-laws glass or my own the entire time. Japanese traditions have changed over the years to where it is acceptable with younger couples to share in the duties of the house, cooking, serving, cleaning, etc…but not in this family. These people were born in a different time, when Japan was still reeling from the burning of their cities during the war, during a time where it was customary for the man to basically earn a living, and the women to be responsible for everything else. To foreigners it may seem wrong or demeaning when watching this practice, but it’s just another difference in the cultures that one has to come to terms with when living in another country. Like anything, Japan is not perfect, but it is still a fascinating place with plenty of interesting aspects to be explored.